Since I'm looking for my "Work Soul Mate" right now, I thought I'd take my exec-coach's latest write up and duplicate it to my personal experiences. Let's call these previous employers "ex-jobfriends" to help with the association between the people you date along the way until you meet "the one". Now I'll forewarn you now, I'm starting this blog without an end in mind, just getting my thoughts on paper so I will almost definitely get longwinded. But again, it's my work-therapy I'm after so read on or don't.
My 1st ex-jobfriend - Adventurous and care-free but can't bring home to Mom.
This position was for a small group adventure travel company and like the product we sold, the culture was easy-going, a lot of fun and down right irresponsible at times.
What is it they say about the bad crowd? They are so much fun to hang out with, you never know what's going to happen next and they never judge you, they don't expect much from you. The bad crowd can't afford to judge, in the end you find out they're not going to amount to anything so they literally have to take what thy can get. In this way, I likely sold myself short when I started this relationship but don't get me wrong, alot of good came from it. With a 'jobfriend' like this, you can't get serious because there is not next step in this relationship. You take it at face value, have your fun and then later after you are able to step back, you'll learn more from what you didn't like about the relationship than what was good about it. If I hadn't been so green coming straight out of college, I might have read some of the writing on the wall. With no expectations of the position, there was no way to fail...but also no way to succeed. This leads to mere existence with no upward mobility in sight and the inevitable break up.
My 2nd ex-jobfriend - Rich bitch
This one didn't last long at all. This was a position in new home sales that I took just on the backside of the housing bubble. The nice thing was that there was still money to be made and having just moved back to Atlanta as a newlywed, I needed a nest egg. I did well through training and even sold a house in my 2nd week. My jobfriend was happy with me during impression mode and then we settled in. It was clear this relationship was different on the inside than what was projected on the outside. The leadership would project confidence during all hands meetings, telling the sales team that there is no housing crisis, don't pay any attention to the news, if anything the housing market is getting stronger. Meanwhile, back on the job, we were having to give away discounts of unprecedented amounts in order to secure a deal. Even still, this jobfriend was meeting my paycheck needs but as I found out from them, I was not meeting their expectations. This was another case of unpublished performance objectives but in this case, I thought I was doing well and they thought I wasn't doing enough. This breakup was due to the ex-jobfriend holding me to the standards of their ex (the salad years) who could do no wrong. Even though the best days were behind them, they put unreasonable expectations on their new relationship which forced them to only see the things I did poorly without the credit for what went right. This cut-throat relationship reminded me that I was happier in a position where I could make a difference for the world so I dumped this ex-jobfriend in search of my true love.
My last ex-jobfriend - Growing apart
This relationship lasted just over 6 years. This is the relationship that should've ended after 4 years but you went through the motions for the last 2 out of convenience. I read a great article about this recently. Funny enough I've done this in my own life with girlfriends, I wonder if I had gotten this advice about my jobfriend would I have been able to leave it before the relationship soured. Another great article that relates well to this scenario was about the importance of "re-interviewing" for your job when leadership changes. This was also a critical mistake I made in this relationship. My jobfriend made some changes and I wouldn't say I was unsupportive but I also wasn't terribly invested. We'd grown apart. We wanted different things. As I type right now, there may have been some things I could've done differently to make it work but I'm not a believer in that anyway. It should come easy. An employer should inspire you, make you laugh, smile and want to be with it just as you should bring those same things to them. That's a symbiotic, mutually beneficial relationship and that's what I'm looking for now.
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